Wednesday, 31 March 2010

My Girlfriend - The YAMAHA R15

I bet many of you are waiting for this....

Get ready....

HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!! Okok...that was anti-climax...
My point looks just like any other bike from the back....with a box...
I said I'll put a box and I did, cos this is a functional bike, not a bai swee one, meaning I can go shopping, dabao mee rebus, and leave my nice miu mius and LVs in there while I ride. You know, most girls' handbags DO NOT come with slings, and you cannot expect me to giap my bag while I ride ya? Damn ugly...

I had wanted to ride to portsdown (it's this nice little hideout of mine near buona vista...rustic-charm-loaded...) to take nice pictures instead of stopping outside this utility room downstairs, but I couldn't wait to show you guys my lovely! Promise I'll take her out cam-whoring, THEN show you nice pictures again some time later, alright?

So here are the close-ups!

My new best friend~

Let's look at her in another light~

Wooo....fierce...I like~~~

Brought to you by Yamaha...

Yamaha's logo. Those of you who play the violin or piano or some other musical instrument will be familiar with the logo. Yes, the same Yamaha.... I only found out like, less than 2 weeks ago.

The speedometer is digital!!! This was a nice surprise as I didn't know this when I bought the bike!

My IU!!! With white carbon sticker. I'm gonna bling it soon man!!!

Another back view...more chio right?

Here comes her frontal....

Okay that sounded obscene.....
Never mind....


I admit it does look chio-er without the box. But hey, practicality rules here. Plus, really, a nice bike is a nice bike. Even with a box, it doesn't hurt its outlook much. =D


Okay....till next time!!!


Tuesday, 30 March 2010

To Gile

I got tired of replying in my tagboard, so I thought I shall do a proper post here instead, so my msg won't be segregated into many parts...And yes, I am VERY pissed now.

Excuse me, Gile, when did I create political views about SQ? In my posting about SIA interview, I named the good, AND the bad; the pros and the cons. What to be prepared for when you get into the company. I was being candid. Because I know crew who, within the first few months of flying (or even during training), couldn't take it and decided to quit. And you know what that means? That means paying up $13000 to break the bond. Even if you have that money, it's not worth throwing it away. If you don't, then you can only suck thumb and just do.

Sure, many survive. And they get stuck after flying for a few years because they can't find another job which will pay them that amount of money anymore. I want people to think about what they want to do with themselves after flying. Do you see it as a career for life? If you are, girls, be prepared that you can only work until a certain age. And if you don't promote within 10 years, bye bye! Out you go. And do note that you will only be eligible for interview for promotion if you've been in that particular rank for at least 3 years. (Many take at least 5 years to do so.) IF you're not seeing it as a career for life, can you make yourself pull out after a few years? That means compromising on the amt of money you make and possibly having to start from scratch again. Can you do that? Many people see it as a glamorous job. It is. Like I mentioned, this week it's breakfast in London followed by a visit to the Big Ben and the London Eye, next week it's mad shopping in San Francisco followed by dinner at the Fisherman's Wharf. In this job you will not be rich, but you will lead a very comfortable lifestyle.

I don't have anything against the company. In fact, the company did me well by showing me so much of the world I otherwise wouldn't have had the means to visit. It paid my bills with much surplus for shopping. It bought my loved ones many nice gifts. I didn't have to worry about what to order when I eat out cos I KNOW I can afford it. Money NEVER came late. And the service they trained us for - seamless. Yes some ppl snap and get a little bitchy under pressure, but it was hardly personal. The system works.

It's some parts of the culture I couldn't take. And looking back, god, I was one of them. I picked up smoking after a very bad breakup. I was nearly written in by an IFS cos he said I was "unfriendly and not sociable" because I didn't want to hang out with the crew cos 7 out of 11 crew on that flight smokes. I didn't like it, plus every time they gather, it's smoking and drinking sessions. Not interested. So he wanted to write me in to office. What the hell???? (Incidentally another girl on that flt who doesn't smoke has been spoken to saying she needs to be more sociable.)

Thank god I quit after leaving, and you know why? Cos the people around me doesn't smoke anymore. When you're in an environment where everyone does certain things or believes certain beliefs, you tend to become them. I was just chatting to an old friend I knew since high school. He was from The Chinese High, while I was a Nanyang Girl. Were we REALLY that good? Or because everyone believed and said we were one of the best, thus we worked harder to live up to that expectation? Because everyone mugged like there was no tomorrow, so in order to not drown in there, we had to do so.

If your circle of friends smoke, will you not smoke? I remembered going to Partyworld, and I met this poly schoolmate in the smoking room who was also flying. She was the guai guai chio chio girl in poly who always got into the finals of any beauty pageant she entered, and never in my dreams would I have ever expected to see her smoking, but there she was, smoking like a pro. I guessed she was probably as shocked to see me then. Maybe she was a social smoker, I don't know. I know I was one. And looking back, girls DON'T look pretty with a ciggie in hand. I'd have probably offended some of you here already, but I'm sure you already know it's not good for you right? *smiles widely*

And really, maybe it was just those few friends of mine, but I know too many guys who sleep around. Maybe there are too many girls to sleep around with, but c'mon, these are perfectly gentlemanly guys with girlfriends who are not flying. I know of one girl who slept with another steward when her boyfriend, also a crew, was on the same flight. VALUES, PEOPLE!!!!! Many talk loosely of these values, of "it won't hurt him/her if he/she doesn't know". Want to hear something scary? A friend's friend contracted HIV, because his girlfriend had apparently fucked around. Another once-close friend had confided in me that he had a threesome with another stewardess and a steward.

I know, many people don't do it. Maybe about 20-30% of stewardesses do, or have done it. Stewards? Maybe 50%.

So on that account, I doubt I will ever date a steward again. Especially since now I'm no longer flying. If I were still flying maybe we could change for common flights and see the world together. Nope. No more. It's not that I can't trust you. It's the culture and the environment I can't trust. Sorry...

AND! To be brutally honest I haven't really met a damn ugly stewardess. Many ppl told me they have. Passengers who have become friends, friends who flew as passengers, even some really candid ones working in the training centre. "Wah the standard nowadays dropping man..." heard that before? I don't know. The ones which I find are unpleasant-looking are those who give a 臭脸. It automatically makes you look...I don't know...unpleasant? And the "langa lorry" term? Crew coined it. In fact, crew coined it the "langa 380" face. Worse than langa lorry okay? Langa 380 (Airbus A380) sounds damn serious. I was nice in saying some of them langa lorry nia okay!!! BUT BUT BUT!!! Ditsy ones I've met!!! And we name them “空空小姐”. AH!!!! These are the ones which leave me wondering how in the world did they get the job....because you need to have a certain amount of IQ AND EQ for the job.

Gile aka Little Miss Sarky, I think you were referring to tags by other readers who don't understand why certain people can get through the interview, and I think it's bloody rude for you to come and be SOOOOOPPPPEEERR sarcastic and say that "ppl hu are famous n will be famous, respect the rest of other human beings. Have a great life in the media industry", when you can't even get the facts proper before accusing me of creating political views and saying I don't respect other people. I'm sure you respect me here. -.-"

Right, I'm done ranting and making my point. And no, I don't have an issue with my ex-employer. What I do have issues with, but really couldn't be bothered anymore, are SOME of my ex-colleagues. Get it? -sigh-

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Accepting Adverts!


I'm finally accepting adverts on my blog! Readers don't fret k? I won't end up like those bloggers who post shit and adverts only. Haven't really been blogging cos I've been trying really hard to learn Malay, which isn't really as easy as I thought cos I don't really have many Malay friends whom I hang out with often. In fact, I only hang out with very few ppl, namely Joel and Alton, and my family, ALL of whom don't really speak Malay. I've also been trying VERY hard to learn my scripts, which are in Malay. AND AND!!! I bought my bike! (Show you guys pictures next post!) So the past few days have been frequent visits to my bike dealer as well.  Intro you guys to them soon cos I'm negotiating some deals for my readers. ;)

As I was saying, I'm finally accepting adverts for my blog, and my special promotional rates (until end April) will be as follows:

  • 1-time advert posting with logo at sidebar for 3 mths: $50 in cash or product equivalent. If you want to pay more, I really wouldn't mind. As long as you feel the cost is verified. Am open to negotiations! =D

  • Adverts with updates, meaning as long as you update your blogshop or have new promotions, I will cover the updates in my blog: An additional $50 for 3 months coverage.

If you're interested, you can email me at to let me know the details!

I know you haven't seen me in a while, so here's a totally random pic:

Have I ever mentioned how much I love my lashes? Coupled with a great mascara. Weeeee~~~~
(It's DiorShow Mascara - Waterproof, in Noir Black, to be exact. Buy it at DutyFree, and it's almost $8-10 cheaper! Ask your stewardess friends to help!)


Saturday, 20 March 2010

SIA Interview

Hands up! Those of you going for the interview later at Sheraton Towers!


Alright alright, I see you~ Though I wonder why you're not sleeping yet since it starts at 9am. Anxiety? Or you're up too early? Anyways, you should be there about 8:15 or 8:30am. Come anytime after 10, and you're guaranteed to queue until at least 2pm (for just Round 1 of at least 3 rounds). If you come early, at least you get your shot early and can leave early.

Advice, you say? I'm here to share. What is the internationally-acclaimed airline looking for in their cabin crew? Do you have what it takes?

Now that I have your attention. I apologize for taking the whole day for this post cause my godpa invited me to go to M'sia with him and a few friends for praying and makan~

Be yourself. You need to BE it. Not fake it out just so you land the job cos it WILL be hard on you later on and you will want to quit before your bond ends and you'll have to end up forking out S$10k to terminate your bond. Not worth it ya? What do I mean by "it"?

The following are MY own words or advice. You can always choose to just follow your heart.

Looking good helps. But it's not everything. Note that messy/gappy teeth and scars (especially those on the wrist which indicate a former suicide attempt. Small cuts & grazes are fine.) which can be seen will have you booted out in round 1. Same goes for unkempt hair. And bad skin. Solve those problems before you decide to go for the interview k? In this job, people DO judge you by appearance, more often than you'd like. These are some other qualities that you should have that makes you stand out (& make them want to shove that kebaya into your arms) among the hundreds of thousands of hopefuls in that interview hall:
  • Passion to serve. Cliched, yes, but so very true. You need to love helping people. The tools are there. Food, drinks, milk bottles, diapers, letter pads, what-have-yous, and your brain. Free of charge. Provided. You don't have to pay for them. It's just a matter of how you use them to help your passengers. And nothing means more than a genuine sincerity in wanting to give the best to your passengers.
  • Love being with people. This is essentially a PR job, not just serve food and drinks. Your duty is to get these humans, these PEOPLE, from point A to point B and make that journey as happy and comfortable as you possibly can.
  • Be a great actor. You WILL get shouted/screamed at. For nothing. Chances are, it's not your fault. But you get yelled at anyway. You WILL need to exercise great acting skills and patience to be apologetic first (and I mean "Sorry" FIRST, no matter what) and find out what is wrong, then resolve the passenger's problems.
  • Be assertive when the time calls for it. And by this I mean emergencies -  evacuations, medical emergencies, anything. Know when to tell someone to stop if you are being molested. They want a confident chick who isn't just pretty in a kebaya, but not easily messed with as well.
  • Speak well. Especially English. Try a Ris Low, and you can basically see where you are (not) headed. If you can't see it, may I suggest one thing? Don't bother trying for the interview.
  • Carry yourself well. Do not be a worm and fidget machiam there's a vibrator in you. Stand tall, stand straight. Walk properly without dragging your feet, and when you talk to the interviewer, look them in the eyes. 
  • Corporate wear will do just fine. No hip hip baggy jeans and huge FEAR sweaters.Don't even think of going in jeans. (Though I went for mine in one then...I've been told by some crew that jeans were considered "inappropriate" and "too casual".) Guys, shirt, tie, pants, proper work shoes. And you're good to go.
  • Enjoy the interview! Talk to the interviewers, laugh, tell them things, chat with them! They want to see if you have that personality to hold a conversation. You will be talking to passengers a lot, and they don't want someone rigid, grouchy, with no sense of humour, and worse still, stoic, to leave a bad impression on the passengers.
  • Just be yourself. They want to see if you are what they want. They'll be doing you a favour if they do not choose you. Because it WILL be hard, though not impossible, for you to change yourself to suit the job. Find a job which suits you, and in time to come, you will be earning more than what this company pays. ;)
These are the few pointers I have to offer. So you know if you make the cut, instead of just going for every single interview they hold *once in a while and keep getting booted out.

*Especially after July since this is when bonuses are given out and LARGE NUMBERS OF CABIN CREW quit after taking the money. This will result in a serious lack of crew, especially FSS - stewardesses (turnover rate is the highest for stewardesses, many quit every month, and many more want to come in). Each flight has a minimum number of crew required for operations so not enough FSS means there'll be cases of flights with too many supervisory crew. (I've been on one of those crazy flights - there were 3IFS/S, 5CS/S, 7LS/S, 1 poor steward plus 2 stressed out stewardesses including yours truly. Imagine the tension.) Then recruitment drives come and you see huge ads on the papers asking you to join the prestigious airline. 

Yes, you heard me, many people quit after taking the bonus. After all, you helped the company earn those profits, didn't you? It's right that you take the few months' worth of bonuses, THEN leave, right? Why quit? You ask. Many reasons, darlings.

Unless it is your ultimate dream to be an air stewardess, most people are there, and have stayed there (really, to be very honest) for the money. You've read it on their recruitment ads. An average of S$3.5k remuneration per month. Sometimes 2k, sometimes even 6k, depending on how "heng" you are with the roster. Other than the money, of course comes with it breakfast in Singapore and lunch in London, entering the office door in Singapore to leave the same door at Tokyo. How cool is that right?

Also, unless you're VERY lucky to have had great batchmates (aka classmates) who stay close long after graduation, or made many very good friends in the airline, I must warn you that it can be a lonely job. Gone are the days of team flying, where you often fly with the same set of crew which over time, you bond with. Every flight begins in the briefing room with a series of handshakes and "I'm Silver, pleased to meet you." Once in a while, you see a familiar face whom you've flown with before (but somehow couldn't remember the name), or you meet someone whom you've had dinner with in Seoul a year back (and that was the last time you guys saw or spoke to each other). If you're damn heng, you meet a kaki, and that, I assure you, will be a GREAT start to your flight. Which also means you can arrange to go shopping or makan and have great fun together when you get to your destination. I know I've been ecstatic each time I know I'm flying with a familiar face / good friend (Corine or Sherine, to name 2 ^.^ There are, of course, a few others.)

Culture Shock. Be prepared for it. This is like army-boot-camp-strict, so for the guys who think they've finally graduated from that institution of strict rules and discipline, think again.

Hair? Black or dark brown only, in other words, au naturel. Insist on dyeing it? Spray it black. EVERY flight. Guys? Short. And I mean SHORT. No long fringe (chop chop!) or sideburns. And kiss the below looks goodbye.

Yes, NO MORE 帅帅 hair. Until you quit, or until bond's over (18 months, by the way, excluding 4 mths training).

BMI? 21 and below, or chances are you'll get singled out to be monitored, and in severe cases (we DID have them), you will be grounded. Meaning taken off all your flights (which means there goes your allowances), and put to do miscellaneous paper work or something in mainland Singapore, UNTIL you get back to the desired weight. 

Watch? No Marc Ecko, or Baby G, or other fancy watches. Basically, not even your regular swatch watch. Not even a plain all white watch. It HAS to be black, brown, silver, gold, or if I'm not wrong, maybe dark blue as well. That's all. And oh! The watch face MUST NOT be bigger than a 50cent-coin. Basically, think office-y. The watch should complement your uniform, which makes you look more professional. =)

Contact lenses are a must. So is make-up. And red nail polish. And bobby pins. And hairspray/other hairstyling products. (No company reimbursement on these products okay?)

The following may shock some: No talking on the mobile while you are mobile. Which is to say, you can't walk and talk (or even sms) at the same time. Nope. Not even if your grandma/mother/husband/girlfriend calls. Or if you wanna call them while walking to the gate cos once you reach the gate you gotta get into the aircraft and start working your ass off. Nope. Cannot. 不可以. They probably don't want you to forget your decorum whilst on the phone. Some crew have been written in (by other crew *rolls eyes*) and they have had to go back to office on their off days to do an explanation, or been given demerit points. Which doesn't make any sense to me since SO MANY crew have been seen SMOKING in PUBLIC AREAS and NOTHING have been done to them (because so many of those who do it are SENIOR RANKING CREW - the greens, reds, and purples). Read the next point.

No smoking in uniform, though you will find many bad examples at T3 arrival pick-up point. Look at it this way, you represent the Singapore Girl, an icon more recognized than, say, Zoe or Fann, or maybe even some Hollywood stars. People see a stewardess in the signature kebaya and go "That's one of the best airlines in the world~" I'm not exaggerating. I heard it myself and gawked (inside of course, couldn't show that gawking expression while I'm in uniform, can I? 形象~~~)"Impeccable service" and "Which airline is that? Their uniform is so elegant~" are some other comments you will hear as you saunter past people. Of course, I've heard a common one which never failed to make me want to laugh and cry at the same time: "Are you girls going for a dance performance?" Whatever it is, the uniform attracts attention. So be prepared to upkeep your decorum AT ALL TIMES. And seeing a SQ crew smoke in uniform is not one of it. I fell victim to it for a couple of months. Later on, I realized that a stewardess smoking in uniform resembles painfully like those Shanghai hookers in cheongsam in the 30s. Tak glam la~~~

Anyway, just don't smoke la. I don't have to say much - you KNOW why you shouldn't.


Though the following may not apply to all, it applied to MANY...

You start to lose your values. In other words, you start to change. Ask any senior crew, and they will share with you how you must really learn how to say no and be firm if you don't want to lose yourself, which many do. Non-smokers start smoking (I DETEST it, yet I picked it up then, just a few months before I quit. Thank god I've stopped shortly after I quit flying. It stinks, spoils my image, wastes money, and dirties my room. I STILL don't like the idea of it.)

You start to think nothing of sleeping around. Why I say so is because I know countless examples of stewards (attached, some for years) sleeping with other stewardesses. And I mean COUNTLESS examples. I know of too many. And these stewards have other halves which are NOT in the company, so these poor girls can't check their bfs' or husbands' (god forbid) rosters to see if there is a name which appears in his crew list consistently. Conducive, I must say - the rooms are free and readily available. Yes, there are rules saying you are NOT to go to the rooms of any members of the opposite sex, except maybe if that's your other half. But no one is governing that rule. Unless something happens, like a reported case of rape (countless examples of cry-rape in the past year, if you ask me). Ah~~ THEN the company will come in and investigate. Which usually turns out ugly. Also, there is always the number one excuse of "expensive telephone bills" so the bf won't call and the considerate gf won't call either so his phone bills don't explode.

Here's one tip: Girls, try Skype or Sunpage. Calling his hotel room number using Skype or Sunpage means it's damn cheap for you, and it's free for him. ;)

The above can be the other way round too k? Meaning it's the girl who sleeps around. Heck, I even know crew who fucks around when their other half is ALSO flying. (Can be on the same flight somemore...*faint*)

Oh, of course there are the single guys and girls in the airline who don't give a damn who they bed. They will try all sorts of methods to come into your room and bunk in with you. Below are a few (real-life) examples:

  • Calls your room. Tells you that he/she has cooked porridge and asks you to go over to his/her room to eat.
  • After a tanning session at the Maldives, call your room to say he/she has aloe vera gel for sunburns and asks if you would like some. Then when he/she comes over to pass the said gel, offers to "help" you apply.
  • Calls to tell you he/she is bored. And whether you would like to chill together. Like can he/she come over to watch TV. (Machiam their room don't have.) Then when you ignore him/her and goes to sleep on your own bed, you suddenly find an arm wrapping itself around your body. ~.~"

Be prepared for a damn bitchy environment. Yes, it still exists. Especially if you're damn good at your work / damn chio / damn popular / damn anything, you will be talked about. And most times, people find it easier to speak only about the bad. Human nature? Though they could just advise, or let the said party know what they're not happy about - I think transparency goes a longer way. The airline would be a much nicer place to work for if everyone's genuinely nice around (and behind) each other. And IF you have a foul mouth, please don't go join the airline. Go write the tabloids or something, okay? Or better still, train yourself to be nice. It will become a habit after a while. =)


Okay, enough of the discouragement. Other than the above points, it is a great job. Trust me, I really enjoyed my time as a stewardess. I quit because of my opportunity to return to the media industry, which is still my first love.

You only work on the way there and back. Rest of the time outstation and in Singapore? Free and Easy!!! You can eat/sleep/shop/play games/watch TV/do whatever you want! You don't bring your work home. You shop EVERYWHERE. Coach and Abercrombie from the US, Miumiu from Milan, H&M from wherever, face masks from Seoul (trust me, these things are so much cheaper in their mother country - save money!). You see and meet all sorts of people. You get to eat great food onboard for free like gorgonzola, smoked salmon, and sometimes, maybe even Wagyu beef (if the first class passenger orders something else or chooses not to eat!). Food and drinks provided onboard. Free use of the gyms at most hotels (save on gym membership!). You don't have to clean up your own mess in your hotel room cos there's always Housekeeping. You get paid to see the world.

And the best part? When passengers come up to you and shake your hand, thanking you for what a wonderful flight they had. I had a passenger send a card to the office requesting that it be delivered to my home. In it was a nice long message telling me how I brightened up his day and that it was one of the most wonderful flights he has had and how I was an asset to the company. That satisfaction? Priceless.

Just remember. Be true to who you are, and be true to your loved ones.
Or I'll hate myself for promoting the job. Like, seriously.


Thursday, 18 March 2010

What's Going On?

Okay, now that the saga is over, I can finally get back to normal blogging. I was starting to dread blogging for awhile. I like blogging as and when I got something to share with you guys, you know? And not when I have ppl chasing me for stories. SOOOOOO~ Here I am, back to my incessant verbal diarrhoea, random thoughts, and maybe....just maybe....another hilarious picture (refer to The Brazilian or Cinema Etiquette).

Yesterday was the final episode of "The Illusionist", and I saw the small part that I played. An hour before that, 《五福到》 aired its maiden episode on  Channel 8, and I saw me too! I thought it was going to be another later episode so it was completely unexpected. Joel was having a high fever last night (at 39 degrees celcius omg~), so I was just there making sure he took his paracetamol and because he was sleeping the entire time, I was left with nothing to do except watch TV from like 8 to 11pm, something which I haven't done in months. So it was a pleasant surprise that I was actually on TV on 2 prime slots, different channels. =D

Yesterday I also did an interview with The New Paper. So look out for me these 2 days k? ;)

AND AND AND!!!!! OMG this part I'm so excited to tell you guys, but most of you would have already known from my tweets... I passed my TP on Monday!!!! *hops hops hops* You can call me BIKER CHICK already leh!!! Aiseh~~~ WAAHAHAHAHA~ This weekend I'm most probably gonna go see bikes and VERY SOON!!! I WILL BE MOBILE AGAIN!!!!!!!!! Can't begin to tell you how pleased with myself I am right now. First time pass you know? I am a girl you know? Who says girls can't handle bikes? And for those who are contemplating whether to learn cos the bike is heavy, you'll live. ;) The driving centre bike is a Honda CB125.

If you're really really worried, cos you're too small/short/skinny, they do have low-cut bikes. These bikes have lower cut cushions so your legs don't hang in the air. Mine do, by the way, because I felt that normal cut bikes gives me better control. With the low-cuts, I always felt that I sank in. Just felt weird. I'm 1.61m by the way. Not very tall, if this is any consolation to the girls. If you're like REALLY small, like 1.5ish, they have the Sonic Gear bikes.

I can't find any pictures of anyone standing next to it so you can't see how short it is. But it is a much smaller bike as compared to the CB125, I assure you.

Anyway, my point here is, as long as you're a normal healthy girl who isn't like, below 1.5, chances are you'll find no problems learning how to ride. When you do pass, you can get a Fino, which is damn light (so light I found it TOO light for me) and quite short.

NEXT! (See la this is what happens when you don't work online for some time - all my updates get squeezed into one post.)

I got my next project! As one of the leading ladies in a Suria drama!!! How cool is that? I'm now trying to learn how to speak Bahasa Melayu, as the script will be in Melayu, which is a big challenge for me. Might as well, since I've been putting away learning the language. This makes for a very good chance to start picking it up! Who knows, maybe next time you'll see me in Channel 8, Channel U, Suria and Channel 5 leh~~ Woot!

I'm getting nauseous from lying on my tummy for too long (to blog), so I'm gonna take a break and flip myself over and lie down and watch TV. Got something to write about for my next post already (regarding a particular interview this coming Saturday), but I'll do that tmr.



The Story - The Final Chapter

I wanna thank every one of you who have shown me concern and support. I am fine, really. =) And Samantha, thanks for reminding everyone that, however much we wish we could be, no one is perfect. I wish I could be bigger than Jolin, but I must 识趣 and understand that I am in Singapore now, and that status is, if not impossible, very hard to achieve. Maybe one day I might, who knows? I just want to do my work well and, if the wave to superstardom comes, hop on. If not, who am I to complain? Right? What matters is I will keep working on playing my part well. =D

Just like Joel. He definitely isn't perfect. He made a mistake, yes. Perhaps by being too nice. Have you ever been there? I know I have. Feelings are no longer existent, yet I kept pretending to the other party that nothing was wrong. We still held hands, went for movies, dined together...yada yada... Heck, I still said those three words, even though I no longer knew if I meant them...I wanted to try. To see if it was just a phase and everything would be alright again. I just didn't want the other party to be upset, so I just drifted happy feelings, no lovey-dovey feelings, nothing... Me and the said guy broke up, of course, as pretending could only take me so far, until someone came along and really made me feel alive again.

I now know that it doesn't really work that way. And that we should never pretend. Especially pretending to still love when we no longer do.

Back to Joel. He made a mistake by pretending. After seeing those photos, I checked my mail again. The wife had replied, this time asking more intimate questions, saying she had "given him many chances", and hoping she could find closure. I knew what needing closure felt like, so I replied her email as honestly as I could.

She thanked me for my answer, and asked me to help ensure Joel doesn't get a bike in the near future, and even wished me luck for my riding theory test later on in the evening. You know, here, I actually find her quite an understanding young lady for her age. Then came another email a few minutes later.

She asked me to leave him. Huh? You just told me you wanted closure. Now you want me to leave him? And what followed was a string of verbal lashings saying I was "shameless" and "not matured enough" and that I should "back off" and if I wondered "what his family will think of me". And that I will end up "sitting in a corner" after he has slept with me. That I am a public figure and I "shouldn't be doing stuff like this".

Okay girl, you just pissed me off and boiled my blood. Tell me you didn't sleep with him when you got together with him when you were 15. Say it. "Not matured enough" then, well maybe, but were you "shameless"? And, if his family thinks anything bad about me, then I'm sure you'd have some part in it by adding salt, pepper, and other spices to their impression of me. BECAUSE, to be honest, I started loving your husband because I didn't know he was a husband to begin with, so you're not being fair to me to judge me based on the fact that I was dating A husband. AND ALSO! ALSO! I have never had problems with any of my past partners' families.

If there's anything close friends and fans know, it's that Silver Ang fights fiercely, especially for love. Fair enough, if Joel REALLY has been two-timing us while being happily married to you, I will kiss his arse goodbye. But I've been spending so much time with him throughout MANY nights, and before or after his work, that I really find it hard to believe that he was still with you. Yes, a marital status is a marital status, I grant that. But what is an empty marital status? Does the paper warrant you ever-after lovey-dovey emotional status? Isn't it just a stupid paper that the law uses in case something wrong happens to the relationship? Is it just black and white for you? What about the gray areas? In between black and white, the area is far greater than the 2 extreme margins.

I needed to speak to Joel. Badly. I smsed him the stuff that had been going on at home the past few hours, and set off to pick him up from after work. I showed him some of the email exchanges.

"Did I really come between you two?" I was angry, and I was upset.
"No, please don't think that way. It was before you.."
He leaned back into the passenger seat.
"Why doesn't she want to let me go..."

He held me tight. He looked, somehow, exasperated. "I'm sorry for getting you in a mess you don't deserve."

We drove to a quiet little coffeehouse in Hillview. He held my hand throughout the drive. And he didn't let go when we got there.

"Tell me what to do BB..." His expression looked blank. I wish I knew. I remembered what my ex-boyfriend did. He shouted at me "I've done everything! Tell me what else I must do to make you leave me!!" That felt like a tight slap on my face. I was devastated, and left immediately. Physically, that is. The feelings only died many months later...

I've got riding theory test later, and I told him to take the car, go meet her and clear things up, then pick me up later after my test.

I passed my test (of course right~ *wink*). And he came to pick me up, as agreed upon earlier. He told me it's been settled. They had a big fight, apparently. She went to his place to clear out her stuff. I didn't know what that meant. Whether it was that they have made it clear that they've broken up, going for annulment, or what. And I still have this nagging feeling that I might just have been the cause of a breaking-up of a marriage.

"B, tell me honestly, am I the cause?"
"No BB, I would still have gone for the annulment even if you didn't appear. My parents have asked me to try, but they must understand that if I don't do it now, there will be more problems next time..." Like if there is a baby involved?

Even from a bystander point of view, he did have a point. I'm not siding anyone here, but if I'm with someone who has a changed view of a once-good relationship, I wouldn't want him to pretend to love me. Trust me, a woman can feel it if it's pretended. Then end up dragging it and me having a baby (god forbid) and then years after REALLY finds that it just isn't working THEN get a divorce. I'd rather he come clean with me and tell me it's just not working anymore, and let me go. At least I get a chance to meet someone who will make his calling to love me and take care of me for life. And oh yes, a marriage without love? The child can feel it too. I wish everyone in my family's all lovey-dovey, it's really nice when you can feel the love and the happiness in the family you know? Unfortunately my family's not like that. It once was, until a series of events changed things.

She has been sending him smses, and he hadn't really been replying her (except when drama started erupting on my blog, which made her very upset seeing how protective he was of me...but that's another matter). This is perhaps the best way to get someone to let go. 心软会让一个女人误以为有希望,最后造成更多的伤痛。这个,我很懂,因为我也曾经被误导过。

请大家切记: 如果你真的觉得一段感情已经终止了,完全没有挽回的余地,那请你在分手的时候,做得恨一点。这应该会是你为对方做的最后一件为他好的事。是,会很伤,会很痛,但雨后的彩虹才是最漂亮的。 

I did talk to him properly, asking questions from as bystander a position as possible. Because like most of you, I couldn't understand how you can just let go of 6 years of a love you shared with someone.

He had tried. In those 6 years they have been together, they have broken up on many occasions, dated other people, and reconciled, once of his own accord, once as per requested by his mother, a few times because she couldn't let go. He did try, if not he wouldn't have agreed when she asked for them to get married. (Yes, she asked. Not him.) Or maybe he thought he could try again. He let go a very important piece of information which answered my question.

"There are some things which can never even happen once. Not even once. She was the one who cheated on me during my toughest days in the army. Very sad one you know, I had nobody to talk to...I couldn't do anything..."

And that was 4 years ago, at least...which meant that after that incident, he couldn't really fully let go of that fact. Frankly speaking, who can? It will always be a scar, wouldn't it? Now, I'm sure many of you would think that he's doing it as revenge. Initially I thought so too, but scraped the idea after that. You wouldn't wait 4 years to do revenge. And from what I know of him, he's not that sort to take revenge. Maybe he was, I wouldn't know, but he's certainly not that kind of man now.

Anyway, what happened for the next few weeks were (more) people coming into my tagboard to leave hate messages. Which led to a whole load of nasty impulsive exchanges and drama, which led to me starting on this story so I could show the girl what exactly happened with me and Joel. Whether or not I appeared after they already had problems, or whether I was the cause of it all; whether I knew, or whether I came in to deliberately "snatch her husband" (ouch that sounded damn mean); whether the whole incident was my fault, her fault, his fault, or was it just meant to happen. I always believe things happen for a reason. You most probably won't see it now, but looking back at the past is when you realize why certain events happen, is it not?

They have since gone to lawyer's to apply for annulment, and are currently awaiting to attend court so it can be processed. (Apparently annulment is not an automatic procedure, they will look at each case individually, then the lawyer would have to present the case to the judge, who will interview them in court.) Lawyer's fees and stamp fees do not come cheap. They took up most of his savings, and he has paid his price for his wrong decisions. A bike instructor isn't like cabin crew - they don't earn money easily. Most days they have to stand under the hot sun or be in the rain to teach. And all for less than $2k. Maybe slightly more, if you've been there long enough.

I cannot guarantee that he will not make the same mistake again. Who knows? Maybe I will be the one making a mistake? (choi!) Haven't we all made mistakes in relationships at some part of our lives? Is that to say you will keep doing it? No, right? (I hope!) Joel decided that wasn't the life he wanted, and he let her go when she's at her prime (21!). I might be wrong, but it's probably the best thing he has done for her.

Joel has since had to face everyone who blamed him for what has happened, and inevitably, I get conscious of how his friends or relatives might look at me, even though I was an unknowing party. After all, they've been seeing the same face for 6 years, then suddenly, this strange girl from TV pops out from nowhere.

As for me, no one, not even Joel or myself, can guarantee a happily-ever-after. Everyone wants that, of course, but wanting it and making it happen is a totally different story. Many times after I learnt of his marital status, I tried giving up on this altogether. After all, I'm not really that fat and ugly you know~ 还是有人追的okay~~~~ Plus I have my career to climb. Why get myself into something so messy which I'm not even sure is worthy of all this mayhem? In all the times I tried to let go, he pulled me back. I felt his anxiety - he wasn't bochup like some guys would be if you wanna let go, he was genuinely upset and gan cheong, and I felt his sincerity in wanting to make this work.

Thus, I decided to give us a chance.

After all, apart from this huge saga, it's been awhile since someone has had the ability to make me this happy, to laugh the way I do, to share the kind of chemistry we do such that we say the same things at the same time so often, and to feel again....


I mean, it's not like I'm marrying him or rushing into anything. We're just dating and going out now, and taking things slow, see where it leads us. I've my artiste career to work on, and like I promised myself in my very first post, my dream = Hollywood. For now, maybe Jolin, or bigger! ;) I know I know!!! They're HUGE dreams. And you know what? Aim high, so even if you don't get there, you get close. (Some wise mentor told me that.) Hard work WILL get you results, you just have to be patient.

Relationships? They just happen the way they want to. Hard work doesn't necessarily get you results here. Just enjoy the ride, and make sure you don't do things which "can never even happen once", so you don't unnecessarily spoil the relationship. Every relationship is a learning and growing up process, so even if it doesn't work out, I'm sure we all emerge stronger. =D

Girl, my story ends here. I hope I have cleared the air between us, and I apologize for whatever unkind words I have used against you or your friends.We all make mistakes (especially when we act on impulse!!!), and the one thing we should never do is to keep lamenting and harping on them. What matters is that we learn from our mistakes, move on, and try as best as we can never to commit them again. =) Occasionally, if you want to, leave a tag, let me know how you're doing, alright?

Signing off (with peace),