Have You Ever?

First and foremost, I want to congratulate my aunt on the delivery of her twins - Isabelle and Trevor. They are beautiful! And how blessed are you, to have been bestowed a gift such as a pair of twins? I'm sure all parents of twins feel that way. (Right Jiaqi Jiayi?) ;)

Okay, back here...

Have you ever loved someone, given up, only to have that person move you back into loving again, only that you turned back maybe a bit too late and realized that person is already moving on?

Remember my "Love?" post?

Too many words I don't know how to start. But I am thankful I still have you by my side.

 If I have been glowing, it's because of you (and my skincare of course). If I have done well in my past few months' achievements, I have you to thank for all that support and strength you have been giving me...for giving me time and understanding to do well. 

From "The Story - Part 1" to "The Story - Part 5", to "Love?", to "好累...", the Penang extended trip after Blogfest, the very wonderful Christmas surprise he planned for me, Koh Samui Part 1, Koh Samui Part 2, to now... we've come a long way. And many times you guess he's there, but Silver Ang this girl just don't want to reveal his picture or who he is. =)

Hey hey, I have my reasons okay? First, I want to be absolutely sure. I don't want to blog and write and tell the whole world about this guy only to have us split up and I have to answer to all of you. I kinda have a different thinking with regards to that now, somehow. You guys want the process, don't you? It's what defines this blog and me, not how it ends up. I eventually came to realize that even if I marry someone, that person may also disappoint me.

Next, there is the celebrity thing. Like, we're supposed to be 'exclusive'. I don't know, this has always plagued me. Whether we should reveal who we are dating or not. Come to think of it, this is Singapore, and I'm not really sure if people actually give a damn. Even if they do, it's just for kaypo's sake.

The stupid ex-boyfriend syndrome, which I should've gotten over, long long ago. 我已经请他从里面搬家。 现在，心屋里没有extras了。 *hugs*

And the "if-I-tell-everyone-n-he-dumps-me-now-all-the-good-ones-who-used-to-like-me-have-moved-on" mentality. We all have it, especially when we've been hurt so many times and are unsure. Especially if you have been hurt by the same person. Once bitten, twice shy, they say. We're afraid and scared as hell that he might commit the same mistake he did, so we pull away and withdraw, and when we love again, we're afraid to let the whole world know, just so we can have an escape route, that someone who has been waiting for you all this while, is still waiting. Yeah, kinda selfish, but can you blame us for the fear we now have? How long before we let it go and keep moving forward? How do we know you've changed? How do YOU know you've changed?

And anyway, if your fate is not with those whom you know you've liked and whom you know likes you, it probably was not meant to be. What's important is that we all try our best. Give everything we have. So even if it ends, you know you've done all you could to save it.

The biggest reason - family disapproval. This is the hardest to get over, and I feel that it's a constant battle, but I'm trying. We all know our parents want the best for us, and we want this to be the best we can ever have too. We'll work towards them being on our side okay? We will.

Then there is us. Ourselves.Me. While we are afraid, have we ever thought about how the other party feels? Don't we all want to be given a chance to prove we have changed, improved? If he is trying to woo you back, isn't he also scared to death of the fact that you may never forgive him and never ever trust him again? He's scared too. Now he wants to love you. Move on, let the past go, and let him love you. Because even if you split up and find someone new, you cannot be sure that the new person will not hurt you the same way. Right?


Yeah, those were the reasons. I think too much, this I admit. It's a trait that has uncovered many hidden secrets and caused me quite a bit of pain. It's a trait that made me learn so much deeper in school. It's a trait that allows me to read between the lines and facial expressions. It's a trait that made me more perceptive than usual. And it's also a trait that made me come up with the sometimes very lengthy but deep posts you guys have read, yes? =) It's me.

 Then came one fine day when I got home and was greeted by Alton. I was suddenly struck by how much Alton loved me, even though I sometimes beat him when he irritates the hell outta me. (I am sorry my dearest baby~) He never let how I treated him bother him, and would always keep loving me in his own little ways as though nothing bad happened, which makes me know he never stopped doing so. And I'm suddenly ashamed of my own little petty actions towards Joel. By now you should have known his name isn't really Joel. I just didn't want to bring too much negative attention towards him during the days of the saga. I will tell you who he is later. =) I always bring up the past, like what we girls do best when we are jealous, in the midst of an argument, or see certain events happen which remind us of the past. We dig too much for our own good, sometimes 10 levels down basement just to make the other party feel bad. Take my advice as I've learnt now - Don't. He's still here, isn't he? He still cares and loves you, doesn't he? If he does give him back as much as he deserves now. Yes he didn't deserve you back then, but since you have decided to give it another shot then REALLY give the relationship another chance. When you keep bringing up his mistakes it will only remind him every single time and push him further and further away from you. Everyone will be like that, not just guys. How many of us like to be reminded of our mistakes?

And now, I'm going to ditch all the reasons I have ever had above, and tell the whole world about you. If it works out, people see how we worked out. And they'll rejoice for us. If it doesn't, they'll just cheer me up and life moves on. I know my readers - supportive, and understanding in many ways. Those who aren't don't really matter anyway. Because life is too precious for me to spend time worrying about making everybody happy. I'm writing for myself, for my supporters. And nothing beats sharing my every little happy and sad moments with them in my little humble online diary. Right Silverians? ;)

Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for....he may or may not be the man of my life, but right now, he is the man of the moment. =) And we are of course working towards something more.

Meet....

Curious leh~~~~? Lol~ 

I always do this, don't I? Let people hang. 

Sometimes it's not such a good idea to let people hang for too long, or they'll become disinterested, you know? I know.

Nicholas Chew. 

Aka Joel, as more dearly known by you guys.

My Sunshine, or "Abuneh", or "BB", as known to me.

Yes he is the Christmas Surprise dinner guy, the Koh Samui guy, the bike instructor. He has been the light in my life espcially when I thought I couldn't see it anymore. Yes he has since loved me more than he ever has, and I'm sorry I haven't given him more credit and recognition. Lol~

 He has left BBDC by the way, and embarking on a new journey to sell houses as a Real Estate Agent. (I'm proud of you BB!!) I will of course, be his assistant, so next time you're going to see pretty houses in my blog's subpages. And should you or your parents be looking to buy houses, you know who to email. ;)

He taught me my very first motorbike lesson. So to everyone of you asking me to give up riding, don't even bother. Lol. Even if I own a car, I will still ride. For more reasons than the most obvious one (of course la I think so much!).

More supportive than I can ever ask for, he tolerated my tantrums, my busy schedules when I'm filming, my erratic mood swings, my digging and digging and digging into the past. I'm going to stop digging, and start treating you better okay? I know this took me a bit long (which was why I told him I was retarded...bleah~), but yup, better late than never I suppose. Thank you for being all that you are to me.

And now, I'm finally going to give you back what you deserve. =) A little bit of recognition (^.^), and my all. 

The silly girl is back. Is abuneh coming? 

OXOX,

That Silver Girl