Friday, 12 October 2012

20 Things I Look for in a Man

Everyone has a list of criteria they want in their partners, husbands, wives, dog, house...everything that matters. And I guess the one list that we wish for but is really not within our control much would have to be the partner list.

I say not within our control because if you meet someone like that, good for you. What if you never meet anyone like that your whole life? Get what I mean? So many billion people in the world, and if your list is long, you might have to go for the one who satisfies the most ticks on that list. 

Don't judge me and start saying "Oh but if you love someone you will love him/her for everything they are!" Excuse me, how then do I start loving that someone? Just grab any random (single) guy on the street and say "You single? Eh let's try to be in a relationship. If I grow to love you I will love you for all that you are." Like that meh? =.=" I think some kinda filtering is necessary so we can find that someone special to share our lives with, given we only have about 80 years to do so, excluding our pre-pubescent years. 

My list is long. I think? Or not really. The nice-to-haves are the icing on the cake, but without that icing, the cake sometimes just doesn't have the Ooomph factor right? So I make my nice-to-haves mandatory. Don't have? Sorry, you're not The One for me. Curious about my list? Here goes:

He must be male. 
Duh right? I dated a girl once, and that was only her. (Straight) Men are more my thing. Note the straight, not bi.

He must be taller than me.
Even when I'm in heels. And I love sky-high 10-cm tall platformed heels. Considering I'm 1.61m, that isn't too much of a challenge. Anything above 1.73m should be safe, though given hair updos that bring my height up another 3-5cm, make the safe mark be 1.78m. 

He must be bigger than me. 
By this I do not mean fat. (Sorry Yongwei for disappointing you~ Lol~) Apart from the height, he also needs to be substantial. Don't think crooked (yet), I mean he needs to be of a certain mass. I like to be able to hug my man without having a whole segment of my arms overlapping. *horrors* 

I do not need muscle men, but seriously, I just don't feel right being with someone skinnier than me. Skinnier AND shorter? I will feel like I need to protect him or something. It will hurt his ego and that will hurt the relationship. 'Nuff said.

 He must have a mature mindset.
Why don't I just say I want an older guy? Because some guys in their 30s and beyond can be super juvenile and childish and messed up. While there are young guys who matured way before their years. Yuhao is a good example. I click with this young not-a-boy-not-yet-a-man even though he is a good 10 years my junior. 

He must know how to be childish too.
I'm not conflicting myself. I want someone who is mature yet knows how and when to have fun. I don't want a naggy lor li lor soh guy who just fusses over money and work and responsibilities and all the serious stuff. My shoulders will be so heavy, that after some time with this type of man I will become kiao gu. 

He must be pleasing to the eye. 
I want someone pleasing to my eye - in Chinese, we call it 顺眼. A very comfortable face to look at. One I will look, and with time find more things to love about his face. Not the I will stare, and over time find the face boring kinds.

I do not want drop-dead gorgeous types. Those make me very insecure with the flocks of women who just keep coming. And these type of men knows they can bed any girl they want, and a lot of them make full use of that. Of course, there are few who are exceptions to the rule. And super handsome who are faithful can make any girl swoon. Which makes them even more desirable to the predator-females out there. Except they won't be able to get him. 

He must understand Chinese, or my Chinese culture and background.
We Chinese have a lot of pantangs (superstitions) and rituals and habits. Stuff like addressing everyone more senior than you at the dining table to eat, like addressing people appropriately when we meet (the jiu jiu, ah yi, yi zhang, gu gu, shen shen, aunty, ah gong, ah ma...etc). 
A "Hey! How's it going?" does NOT cut it. 

And I want my guy to be able to communicate with my grandparents. And comfortably with my family. Though the rest of my family speaks English as well, I was brought up in a fully Mandarin-speaking environment. Okay with some Hokkien inputs too.

His English must make the cut, too. 
Sorry if this criteria is even here. Although I do not always use perfect standard English to communicate or blog (I find local slangs more endearing), I can if I need to, like in a formal social setting. It is NOT okay for me to hear "Have you ate?" or "I should have drove" coming from my man. I'm more tolerant if if a friend makes such mistakes. He can fail his Chemistry or Mathematics or Econs, but I need my partner to know his language. One or 2 mistakes are fine, but if his English, spoken AND written, is peppered with all these grammatical errors I will lose my respect for him. Like seriously. 

He must be gentlemanly.
It's okay if he doesn't open the car door for me or help me to my seat at the dinner table. But he must be civilised. Not the type who wants to push his way into the MRT train before people could get out. Nor spit on the sidewalk after clearing his throat (URGH!!!). He needs to know to hold the "Open" for the lift if he's at the lift control pad, or help when he sees me struggling with something heavy.

Little gestures like extending his hand for me to hold before we move off together would be sweet. ^.^

I like my man to have initiative. 
Regardless of whatever he does. Be it extending a hand to someone who needs help. Or getting whatever needs done, done now. I want someone who doesn't need much prodding to get things done.

Assertive, too. 
Wishy-washy men turn me off. Be firm about what you want, and make sure it gets done how you want it. Without being a prick. My man should be able to get things under his control when the situation calls for it.

He must love *animals. 

Especially cute little ones like my dog, or ducklings. (I really love cute yellow ducklings!!!!) 
*Komodo dragons, lizards, crocodiles, snakes, and other strange wild things exempted.

If you are the type who finds animals disgusting and totally unhygienic and screw your face up whenever a dog comes, talk to my hand and go far far away from me. I'm an animal lover and Alton sleeps on my arm every night. If you don't like animals you probably shouldn't like me too. 

He need not be smart academically, but he must have good EQ.
I want my man presentable. I want my man to be able to talk to me and my friends and family for life. If he is socially awkward, it makes my life very difficult.

He must have a strong career drive.
Because I find men who are focussed very, very, sexy. ;)
Plus someone who knows to take care of his career knows what it means to take pride in doing well in whatever he does. And I really like that.

A high sex-drive is mandatory too.
Please ah, I don't ever want to have to ASK for any form of intimacy. That is the saddest thing to happen to a girl. Remember the friend I mentioned who complained her period came more often than sex?

And generally well-equipped.
No explanation required.

He must be filial & family-oriented
A family who does things together stays together. ^.^

I also believe that if he can't take care of his parents, he won't take care of the family.  Your parents are the people who took pains to bring you up, to give you whatever they can (or can't but they try anyway). I want a guy who understands this.

He must respect my family, too. 
Duh~ My mum didn't bring me up for you to just whisk me away into fairytale land and do whatever you want with me. Whatever happens, they are my family. Just like I will treat your family as my own, do the same with mine.

He needs to understand romance, and the mood.
Some guys are just so...what do we hokkiens call them?  Bah? 木头?He doesn't need to always surprise me with flowers, serenade me Sims-style, or do anything over-the-top. The occasional romancing sometimes adds interesting titbits to the relationship. Like the icing on the cake, the slice of butter on the Yakun kaya bread, or the chilli sauce with MacDonald's fries. Aiyah you get what I mean.

No Chemistry, No Talk
Seriously, if you meet all of the above requirements, BUT we just don't share that spark, don't bother. It's just not going to happen. I want my man to be able to talk to me every other day, about what's happening in his life, his problems, share his thoughts and dreams, engage in mine, all the way into our old lao-kok-kok years. Communication allows us to understand each other better, and even that may not be enough. Sometimes it takes this thing called Chemistry for 2 to tango. 

Unrealistic checklist? I don't think so.

I made this list at the beginning of this year, when I told myself I have had enough of bad nonsense wrong unsuitable men in my life. I usually just attributed everything to fate and destiny, and accepted that whoever was in my life was meant to be there. And I'm sure they were there for a reason, for my understanding of relationships, for my learning about compromise, and how loving someone should be (^.^). I decided it's time I sat down and actually thought about what I really want in a man - what qualities would I like him to have, and I just let the list go on and on and on.

We all deserve to be loved the way we want. Our parents want that for us too. If you think someone is too good for you, chances are, it will become so. Believe you deserve the best, and you will.

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