Sunday, 9 September 2012

The Crazy (Stupid) Things We Did

We know that we have recovered and finally moved on when we can look back and see the ridicule in all that drama. We've all been crazy. And done silly things. And have been so mad that we lash out at people, or so sad that we cry until we look like everything has been taken from us (when everything else but those not worth crying over is leaving, which, looking back, seems kinds stupid). 

Have you loved so hard and then got betrayed and then screamed so loud that someone has to cover your mouth to stop you? Have you felt so depressed that all you wanted to do was pop pills or slash your wrist and die? Have you ever felt like you are at rock bottom, that no matter what you do, just hit the wall and you have no idea where to turn to next? Have you ever gone hysterical crying, and then when someone tried to stop you you bite them not knowing where you bite them but you do anyway? Or fought so hard to keep someone in your life when they have left, physically or emotionally, for better or worse?

And then, years later, have you looked back and then thought to yourself "What defug was I thinking?"

I have. 

And seriously, looking back? Now I know what "adults" (funny how I'm using that word now I'm one myself but always still feel like I'm still growing and learning) mean when they say "Don't be silly" or "哭过就好了". 

It's true. After some crying, some hurting, a lot of hindsight and growing up, we realize those are just silly phases we grow through, and the tears and drama were really, 芝麻小事 as compared to all the trouble that some people have, like struggling to have a roof over their heads while trying to single-handedly bring up 3 kids, or fighting a life-threatening disease.

I guess it's something like getting drunk the night you turn 18 (I didn't) and having a major hangover the next day and realizing getting drunk is no fun after all. Okay maybe that's a little out of context.

What I'm trying to say is, bad things happen for a reason. They might seem really "bad" at the time, but if you look back years later, hey, that guy left you because he wasn't the one meant for you, so that you could meet the man of your dreams who knows exactly how you should be loved. That that guy who left you wasn't bad after all, but you guys just met at the wrong time. He could be a wonderful man to the woman he ends up marrying.

We never know until years later, do we? Whatever crazy stupid things we did, be it biting a once best friend's bf (I hereby sincerely apologize to you Josh. It may take time, but I do ask for your forgiveness) , or screaming like some mad woman, or pounding your fist on the wall/floor until it starts bleeding. Bah~ we all have these moments at least once in our lifetime. (Uh huh.) The good thing is, we almost ALWAYS learn from it, and see the picture later on. Then feel guilty and silly all at the same time. Don't beat yourself up for it.

We grow from making mistakes. Sure, people point fingers and say all sorts of nasty things in the process, but it's really not how you fall that matters. It's how you stand up a better person than before. And forgive and move on. It might hurt a little, or a lot, but one day you will wake up and realize you are able to laugh at what happened.

That's when you know you are truly able to let it all go. And I think it happened to me today. ^.^