Sunday, 7 August 2011

Friends...

I had a lotta things I wanna talk about the last few days but I sort of lost them each time I actually got to the laptop. So I guess I'll just talk about the issues that have been on my mind lately...if you will just hear me talk...If you don't, it's ok. I just wanna write my thoughts down. Essentially, I blog for myself, remember?

So, what's this post about friends? Friendship, what does it mean, really?

Being for each other no matter what, not judging you for the things you do but still able to stand back and offer you advice when you need and just a listening ear (plus some bitching together with you) or a shoulder when you don't need the advice. Friends who, even though they're not there, assure you in other ways that they are... People who hold special places in your heart.

Though I've come to realize that the reverse may not necessarily be true. These people may not care or give a shit abt you, at all. But that's another story.

Over the years, I've lost friends due to distance, losing contact, competition, or anything I may not be aware of. Maybe they think I'm always busy so they don't look me up, maybe they think I've changed since I'm now supposedly "famous". (I don't really see myself that way you know, as up-there because of my job.) Or maybe they think for some weird reason that I am pretentious to them. Or maybe they've changed. I don't know. For the latter, I always try to find excuses for them. Not because I refuse to think that they no longer like me, but because I value them more than that.

Of course, sometimes maybe I misread stuff. But I don't want to be made to feel like because I'm no longer of use to you to get any higher, you decide to just toss me aside.

Of course, there are times when certain circumstances have caused the friendship to get cold, like when your close guy-friend get attached (worse if that guy's an ex-bf) and the gf is uncomfortable with you. Us being females, yeah we get into the crazy, jealous-because-I-can-never-compare-to-her-because-you-guys-have-had-many-years-of-history-together insecure mode. I've been guilty of that myself.  So the close (or once-close) guy friends, if they treasure that lady in their life enough, will distance themselves away from me. I don't blame them. I'm hard to resist, I know. =P

Ok bad joke.

That aside, erm...I know you guys are still there for me as a friend. Especially you. I know you know I'm talking about you, and if you're reading this, or your gf is, I just want you to know that I value the friendship, and I do look back and appreciate everything you've done for me.

Am I too sensitive? Are friendships supposed to have an expiry date? Call me insecure, but we all need a bit of reassurance sometimes. We're human after all, and arrogance, snootiness and over-self-confidence doesn't really apply on this human here. I understand people change. But I'd like to know that I can see them through it, see them evolve, without the friendship getting lost. Problems? We'll work through them. (No this rule doesn't just apply to love relationships.) Misunderstandings? Talk through them.

Yes, even whatever misunderstanding I may have had with my batchgirl Cecillia Wong. Which I still do not understand. Yes I have disliked her. But I think it started because I've heard her gossips about me. And how she thought I was "pretentious" and "fake" and all. I really wasn't to her you know? And Cecillia, if you're reading this, I hope we can resolve our issues with each other someday. =)

I try to be as real as I can you know? I really do. It's difficult living behind false pretenses. I can't make everyone happy anyway, right? So I choose to be myself, without hurting anyone intentionally. But if in any way, any friend thinks that I have stepped on them, please, confront me. I don't like to dislike anyone, nor do I like anyone disliking me, and if the issue can be resolved, it'll be wonderful.

Okay I'll stop beating about the bush la. What sparked off this post was because I feel like I'm losing one particular friend whom I really treasure. I call her, she hardly picks up. I ask her out, she doesn't reply me. I tweet her, well, let's just say the girly conversations have somehow stopped. Maybe she's found more interesting people to hang out with, people more like her. Maybe she's changed. Maybe she's caught up in the popularity contest and she feels I don't belong in that league. Maybe she's the same, just that I thought too much into it.

My dear girl, I'm not sure what vibes they are I've been feeling, I hope they answer themselves soon. Because as much as you know I miss you, I know I can watch from a distance and hopefully, from what you write, know that you are well.

And the friends whom I know are around, thank you for being there. I may not always be around for you, but if you hear from me, even once in a long long long long while, you know you're in my thoughts. =)




























Love,Misses,AndOccasionalHellos,
The same Silver Ang you've always known.

3 comments:

  1. Are you referring to QiuTing? I've read one of her posts few months back talking about you (I think)..

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  2. I guess I know who's this friend you're talking about. It's pretty obvious on photos taken together. Well, friendship is more or less like relationship or marriage. People come and go :)

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  3. Hey this is the first time I'm reading your blog and I understand how you feel man.. I too had my fair shares of friends coming and going.. Having to know "fake" friends as well! Friends who also come to me when they need me but throw me aside when they don't and when I need them, no one is there.. Truly it's hard to find true friends unchanged and sticking by you always!

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