Sunday, 29 August 2010

Of Family, Facebook & Twitter

Super long post but I really need to get this off my chest.

 Huge saga going on this morning in the family. Was being called to get a very angry mother on the other end of the line, telling me that she must sound exactly like how Ah Yi sounded when Ah Yi called her.

If you guys have been following my tweets, you'd know that I had been ranting about the fact that I missed being at home to collect my own laundry before Grandpa did and how he did the ironing and how some of my clothes got destroyed because of that. I didn't want him to iron those delicate clothing, that's why I kept my own dirty laundry in my own room for 2 weeks before having enough load to wash them without wasting water. What I wanted to kick myself in the ass for wasn't the fact that he ironed the clothing, but that I had not been home to collect the dry laundry myself. He would come over to my house every other day to iron all our clothes, and other than underwear, he literally irons EVERYTHING. Even T-shirts, sleepwear, shorts, tights, leggings. These things don't need ironing. I have told him many times these things don't need ironing, because it's really extra work for nothing. He would just ignore what I said and iron them anyway.

These clothes don't need ironing:
  • Sleepwear. Er...they get crumpled when I climb into bed....and I wear these to sleep.
  • T-shirts. I mean wear at home T-shirts. You know, those shirts which get destroyed (baggy, lost the shape etc) after washing so you don't wear them out anymore? Or old school or army T-shirts.
  • Shorts. The wear at home shorts. Really don't have to. I'm not being anal here, but just don't want you to do all these extra work which you don't have to do~!
  • Leggings. If you wear leggings, you would know that some of these leggings are stocking material, and you CANNOT iron them. Once ironed (or not done properly), the material becomes shiny (and the iron imprint will end up on the legging).
  • Tank tops. Stretchable material kind. Erm, after washing, they DON'T get crumpled anyway~!!! So why iron them?
  • Jeans and denim shorts. I don't know how many of you see the need, but I really think jeans shouldn't need to be ironed.
  • Clothes which are meant to be crumpled/ruffled. You bought them this way, and honestly, they look nice only when crumpled, so if someone irons them, there goes the folds, and you may even find yourself with a shirt so straight it immediately becomes office wear 1 size larger.
  • Some fitted clothes. You know when most people iron, they stick the whole ironing board through the inside of the clothing right? In some clothing this causes it to stretch and become baggy. Thus ending up as home clothes.
I'm not being unappreciative. I am grateful for the fact that most of my clothes are straight and nicely ironed when I need to wear them, but whenever I actually see my granddad ironing clothes which really don't call for ironing, I get really disturbed. I tell him, and he will just say " 不要緊啦,这些烫很快的". He just keeps thinking that I don't want to trouble him. But it's not, I just don't want him to iron those clothes! So if I happen to be home I will go and pick out from the whole stash he collected from the bamboo sticks and bring them into the room to stow away.

Now all you buggers will come and tell me to be grateful that I have a grandfather who does the ironing for me, that's because you don't have to go through that~ If he just irons what we put aside for him to iron, okay, fine, gives him some stuff to be occupied with, everyone's happy. And must I repeat myself? Or do you have attention-deficit disorder? I said I AM grateful. But you see your 70-year-old granny (or even your mother) cleaning up your room for you when you don't want it to be touched, you can tell me you're not pek chek? So old already of course we don't want you to do more work than necessary! For most of us organized-messy people, we have rooms far from being showroom-neat, but ask us where's what, we know. Just don't try to pack our rooms for us. It's the same logic. I don't know how to make it link la, but it's just the same logic la okay?

Back to my tweets. I was ranting on about the clothes and stuff. Note: NOT blaming my grandfather for spoiling the clothes. I have a pink top that lost its elasticity at the back (this top's material does not crumple), 2 tops and a dress with bumps on the shoulders due to improper hanging on the hanger (hanger bumps), a tank top which became longer, and a windbreaker-type trench coat which is now so straight it looks strange.

And who am I blaming? My grandfather? No! Of course not! He's just doing what he has been doing all these while! And he's really good at ironing! Except that how would he know that suddenly 2 bamboos worth of MY clothing was because I don't want them to spoil so I decided to wash them myself? I'm blaming MYSELF for neglecting the collection part. The why-the-fuck-wasn't-I-home that day part. The frustrated-because-I-know-he-meant-well-and-I'm-not-supposed-to-take-it-out-on-him-yet-still-I-need-to-be-grateful-but-upset-anyway part.

Then I got a phone call from my mum in the morning telling me to "Go and delete all the things you posted on Facebook now". Facebook and Twitter is for people to express themselves, correct me if I'm wrong. If you cannot handle emotional expression, don't sign up for these. She was telling me I'm telling people I have a crazy Ah gong. Wah lao, since when??? If she read all the comments generated, they were about them having similar experiences at home. Empathising and understanding the frustration, that they have clothes spoilt by mother-in-laws, mothers, people who helped do their laundry. Did they think I have a crazy Ah gong? Of course not! I'm sure Ah Yi (sorry if I'm assuming) called her and said stuff like "Go and read what your daughter posted. Why she must say father until like that" or the like, creating negative vibes and negative impression so my mum will, after reading, think "Why my daughter like that?". Better still, people who seem to have an interest minding other people's business called her to tell her too! So she later sent me an sms saying "Auntie so-and-so just called me. Delete everything on your Facebook and Twitter before things get worse". What thing gets worse??? Wah lao really making a mountain out of a molehill man~ Incidentally, these people who "reported" to her were not people from my generation and younger. They were people from my mum's generation. In her circle.

And did I mention my Ah Yi knows all the so-called first hand celebrity gossip that will put 黑玫瑰
to shame? Really, she would make a fantastic cabin crew (not work-wise). (Which explains why I left the company.) Honestly, if you want to mind other people's business, you should, like the top financial advisors around, look into your clients' files and see if there're any updates you can help your clients on. Like, how to make our money work even harder for us. If we need to switch equities or funds. Cos I feel my investments are losing money. Positively minding other people's business.

This is not personal, okay, if you think it is.

I've recently been reading a lot of books written by really successful people like Adam Khoo, Stuart Tan, Robert T. Kiyosaki, David J. Schwartz, just to name a few. The one thing common with these people is that they never focus on other people's negativity, but concentrate on positive thinking. They always strive to be better. And I find these thoughts a really fresh breath of air. I share their beliefs. I realised that all around me people were talking about other people behind their backs, sharing gossips with me, telling me the scandalous things people do, and not learning from them, or they complain about things. They hardly talk about how who is doing well and discuss why they are doing well, thus learning from these people. They hardly discuss issues or do problem-solving.

I remembered when I was flying and how I loved it when a team leader sets a target on making all passengers happy and creates a great positive work environment. Those are flights I felt truly motivated to give passengers my all. Give me a flight in which every chance they get, the crew starts gossping, and I feel like nothing is accomplished on the flight. Like what they say "Same shit, different day". I don't think the work is shit, I think the flight work culture can be, should it pan out that way.

I remembered hesitating before accepting my mum and aunt's Facebook requests. Because I always felt that they judge me more than my friends do. And their way of thinking may not approve of the many things we do these days, like sharing certain pictures online. I can't say they are old-fashioned, cos they aren't always so. I think with regards to their friends, they are as open-minded as any of us. BUT just because I am the daughter/niece, they may feel the need to "teach" me and guide my actions. Despite the fact that I am already an adult. They're not wrong, but it's a bit too intrusive on my life and that they shouldn't keep trying to sway my decisions (though they know I'm stubborn as hell).

So I accepted the requests, and look where that brought me. Major arguments telling me I'm ungrateful and that I should mind my words. That I am talking bad about their father. That if I'm not happy at him don't need to tell the whole world, tell her (my mum). Erm...simi daiji??? What did I do now??? Don't misread my messages can? If other people stupid don't understand come and tell you their point of view you stand on their side. Gee, how little that makes me. Guess that shows how biased you are towards me already. Give me a break. Just because I didn't choose the supposed "right guy" in your eyes, you don't have to think that everything else I do is also wrong. I'm tired of that. Anyone would be. You can look at my accomplishments as an artiste, as a blogger, my integrity, whatever else you can think of. Life's more than just relationships, you know?

Which makes me wonder if my initial hesitation in accepting the requests were intuitive. For many of you who know me, I don't like to just add anyone. In fact, I don't. Not even if I've talked to you once or twice. I'll only add you if you're a positive network, or a personal friend, and I have deleted naysayers and one major gossip-monger from my list before. Don't get me wrong, I love my mum. To the extent that I'm actually afraid of her. And when she gets angry, I have no idea how to handle it other than being defensive. Act bigger so you don't get made to feel smaller, I guess that's how I handle it. And in recent months, I've grown to not know how to communicate with my aunt freely as well. I used to be able to, until I feel that I'm being judged and talked behind my back to my mum. That killed it, I suppose. I hope the trust and openness can come back one day. Because these are the dearest people in my life, and it sucks to feel that they are the last person you want to turn to.

And oh, I have never held a grudge against 阿公 for the clothes, if you thought I did. 都讲了,是对事不对人。Don't say he is YOUR father. He is your father as much as mine. He was the only (and very great) father figure I had growing up, and I still think he is. If you thought I'm implying he is a crazy 阿公, I think you're jumping the gun too quickly.

They say birds of a feather flock together. I'm going to start focussing on growing myself, my career and (this is going to sound cliche) my wealth and to flock with the really successful people from now on. Like quality bloggers, for example.


IDon'tMeanHarm,
Silver

3 comments:

  1. Hey Silver,

    I can definitely understand why you are so mad.

    always remember this:

    THERE IS NO ABSOLUTE RIGHT OR WRONG. IT IS ONLY ABOUT DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.

    You looked intelligent, and i know you will understand this simple statement.

    Take it with you always. And, by the way, you can't make everybody happy.

    ^_^ Ladybird

    ReplyDelete
  2. Probably you can be like me - complain on twitter but don't link it to FB (I use selective twitter on FB so only some tweets are posted). I do that because all the people in FB knows me (including my relatives) but not all those in twitter. So that at least such cases like yours don't happen that easily and I don't hurt people I know unknowingly or let them take my words in the wrong way.

    ~absolutjoiz

    ReplyDelete
  3. Similar stuff happened to me too. >.<

    but my case not ironing... its machine washing the clothes meant to be hand washed. Mum in law out of kindness took them out from my room to wash. But clothes spoilt as a result.

    People who tend to gossip will think that others gossip will think that the whole world likes to gossip.
    People who tend to be ungrateful will think that others are ungrateful too. Isn't it so?

    Most importantly your Ah Gong not affected. The rest of the people... forget it lah...

    Be happy...
    Kaye

    ReplyDelete