Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Nightmare

I had this compelling urge to blog about this at 6am this morning, but I was too busy crying and feeling nerve-wrecked to do so. And because I didn't, I went back to sleep and continued on the freaking nightmare...

I can't remember how the nightmare started, but from when I remembered, I was lying down in the
"make-up artist" (those that do makeup for the dead)'s room, on her freaking bed. And strangely enough, it seemed that the make-up artist could talk to me, even though I was, erm, dead.

Me: “(妆)会很难画吗?”
Make-up Artist: “有些真的很 jialat 的, but 你还这么漂亮,应该不会有什么问题啦。”

So I didn't die a tragic death and still looked pretty...

And at that moment (still in my dream), I felt a pang of sadness. I'm still so young. It suddenly dawned on me that I wouldn't be able to achieve my dreams anymore. I won't get to see myself get a nomination for Star Awards. I won't get a chance to develop my career overseas anymore. And U.M.M.I, I haven't finished it. There are still 2 more episodes to film...And the kids' show that I would be hosting...

(Seriously, I never knew I would think of work when your life is going past you. I guess something has to matter enough...and to me, my career means a lot...)

Next scene:
My 三舅 (third uncle) was walking with me. No he's apparently not dead. Just walking with me. We were walking towards this field. Where there were 4 candles on the floor, spaced apart. There were 3 other persons already in their positions behind their respective candles. It was like the 4 of us have to go through a ritual of sorts. And my 三舅 was walking me to my place on the field. It seemed like those people gathered around could see me, but I had no idea who they were. Probably loved ones of all of us who were there for the 'ritual'....

I got to my place, and I saw my 姨丈 (uncle-in-law) behind the candle next to mine, and he gave me a nod. (He had died too, but I had no idea how he died. Heck, I didn't even know how I MYSELF died...)

三舅: “你到那边要照顾好自己。要careful懂吗?”
Me (already starting to lose my calm): “三舅,我没有想到会那么快...我没想过我会那么年轻就走的, 我是看过风水,说我今年可能会生重病,或可能命有危机, 我以为我只会生病而已,我没有想过会那么快...”

I trailed off, and started to cry...I don't even remember how I died...

Me: “我的男朋友还不知道,你可以帮我打电话让他知道吗?现在,好吗?我给你他的号码...”

I was seriously so scared that I would die and the person so very dear to me wouldn't know, and that I would have gone 'on my way' without getting to see him one last time. It was a very very scary thought, mind you. Think about it. You've been dead for a few days (assuming it was a few days la, since I have been brought back home, forensics done, preserved, made-up etc...), and these few days, because that one person so dear to you hasn't really got to the point where he/she's so close to your family that they would have his/her phone number, and your phone's probably gone or battery's flat or something, so he/she couldn't contact you and might have thought you were angry for whatever reason, and no one would have called to inform him/her. No one. Your love would have NO IDEA that you died.

Just reading about something like that would make me cry...

Imagine if it was the sister you grew up sharing all gossips with, or your best friend. I can't imagine if I died and my dog can't get to see me again...How would he feel? Would he ever know? Worse still, imagine if you died and your mum doesn't know, and you can't even get to see her before you somehow move on from this dimension of the earth...

It was no wonder I woke up staring at the ceiling for a good 2 minutes feeling scared and shocked and confused all at the same time, and began to tear.

At this point I really really wanted to get up and start blogging about it while it was still so vivid. But I had filming at 9 and I needed my rest. I had slept at close to 3am playing farmville (no, I wasn't watching some horror show, in case you were wondering), and it was close to 6am. I forced myself back to sleep.

And the nightmare continued.

I could not remember part 2 of the nightmare anymore, or if I really did fall asleep again and dreamt it or if it was playing in my head like some imagination drama. I only remembered being really disturbed when I woke.


Guess I feel better throwing this load off me. *shivers*

SweetDreamsAreNotMadeOfThese,
*~Silver~*


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