Monday, 7 December 2009

Sweaty

I have no idea why, but I keep getting weird stuff happening to me online. And it's not just me okay. Xiaxue encounters them too (go read her blog post on "Crystal's Best Friend"), as well as I'm sure almost everyone here, especially the goodlookers.


I have deleted Part 1 of the thread cos I thought my reply would put him off, but apparently it didn't.

Part 1 is this guy asking me if I know so-and-so (or maybe it was him asking if I was so-and-so...can't remember cos I obviously do not know him or whichever friend he may be referring to...but well, doesn't matter, ya?)





That was a VERY clever after-kena-rejected-re-pick-up line. It is. Yes, I know people gotta meet to know each other (~~~duuuuhhh~~~~), and by that, I'm talking about first encounters, IN PERSON. For some of you who've asked me to add you on facebook, you should know by now that my account's quite private and the friend list is confined to friends and family only, hence I don't usually add people just like that. And I almost never meet a person online to know someone. Not since I stopped mIRC-ing, anyway...(that's at least...erm....8 years ago?)

What? I was young, okay? Plus, we all IRC-ed. Most of us.

Anyway, my definition of friends here, and ONLY IN FACEBOOK, means people who have somehow been in my life for at least an impressionable amount of time, like people I've known in primary sch, in nygh, in poly, at work, or competition mates, or something.

You get my point.


Then,







When I got this msg (after having NOT replied his msg), I sat there looking at the screen for at least a good 5-10 seconds. He's trying to ask if I know the country? He's probably from there, since his name has a character that looks like a c with a tail at the bottom - ç. Is that a Turkish lettering? I don't know.

And so what if I know Turkey? Yes I do. I've been to Istanbul a number of times...then? Uh-huh? So? And...?

You could say like "Have you been to turkey? I'm from there" or something, instead of a "do you know turkey?" which ends like...so abruptly.

Or did he mean the bird?

I was actually wondering for a while okay - if he meant the country or the bird. Or if Turkey is someone's name. Eh possible what!!! Hong Kong got people called Monday hor! Singapore also got one Silver ma~
Notice he doesn't have the habit of CAPS-ing, so I won't know if he meant it as a proper noun or a common noun. Then again, in this day and age, unless you're unfortunate(or fortunate) enough to still be studying and having your compositions marked by an English teacher, no one gives a shit about CAPS. like how often do you sms or msn in proper english, right? especially when there is no 'dictionary' function like in msn, or if your 'dictionary' function is off in your mobile.

For those who don't know what I am talking about:
Singapore, Silver Ang, Xiaxue, Raffles Place, Orchard Road = Proper nouns (aka specific noun with a name);
Country, girl, blogger, train station, road = Common nouns (referring to a thing)

Eg: Silver Ang (proper noun) is a girl (common noun) who loves Alton (proper noun, because it's referring to my particular dog)


Anyway, lesson over. Back to my point(s):

After not replying, still....




One day later...



 Did I mention I cringe at bad grammar? Or bad English, to be exact.

I'm not saying my command of the English language is fantastic, but I think the basics should be mastered. Come on, most of you Singaporeans, you studied at least 10-13 years of almost ALL of your subjects in English. Surely one can conjure up a proper conversational sentence?

I'm not saying you should master even the confusing stuff like present or past participle tenses or anything like that, which I'm sure many of you are frowning at now, thinking "what the hell, who cares". Heck, even I get confused sometimes at very profound advanced grammar. And did I mention sometimes confusing, too?

Anyway.

He kinda reminds me of our Ms Singapore World 2009 Ris Low's spoken English. Note that I say spoken, because her written English is actually quite okay...as can be seen from again, reference to Xiaxue's blog. It's not perfect or error-free, but I guess it's MUCH better than her probably-anxiety-caused poor enunciation and pronunciation. (I'm not going into the differences or some of you are going to doze off and become pak jiao. Google if you're sooooooooo curious.)

Okay, he's most probably not Singaporean, looking at his name (which I shall keep confidential) with the weird letter ç. He probably just took up English not long ago.

He's trying to say "why don't you send back a message", or rather "why aren't you replying?"
He did apply perfectly the rules of English taught in primary school - no short forms in written English like 'don't', 'haven't', and 'isn't', you got to spell them out, and he did. Except that "why don't you.." is not written English format so you can't break it up and say "why do not you..". It should be "why do you not....". Don't ask me why. The language says so.

And it was just a wrong choice of word, right? ('send' instead of 'reply')

Fine. I'll let it pass....


But I'm still not going to reply...because...I don't know...I already did. I said I didn't know him. (SIDETRACK: Here is a confusing one!! "I said I didn't know him" or I said I don't know him"??? I still don't know him so should it be in present tense? But didn't sounds more right hor? If in doubt, trust your instincts...*shrugs*)








Another day later...










I collapsed and laughed and nearly fell off my chair.




Thoughts literally RAN through my mind...
  •  The obvious spelling error. I'm sure he meant 'sweetly'.... Right? RIGHT?? If not; 
  •  I quickly went to click on my profile picture to check if my face was oily or sweating...in case it really wasn't a spelling error and that he actually meant "you are smiling sweatily"... Nope. Profile picture looks nice. And NOT sweating.
  • At the same time, I find the fact that he SUDDENLY and ABRUPTLY changed his approach very amusing. Because I didn't reply right? So perhaps he knew that his 'turkey' and 'why do not you send' approach was not working and lingering on the edge of being pushy, and thus decided to change his approach to por-ing. (Too late my dear, plus it came out wrong~) Don't por me anymore now...it won't work. Anyway you risk making another silly spelling error or grammar mistake.


On more than 1 occasion, I've been asked me if I have any 择偶条件 for my other half. I remember replying almost immediately, always the same answer -

1.) He cannot be stupid. Like. Stupid. Meaning he has to be able to catch what I say quickly, and understand. Same frequency and wavelength, in other words. I can't be with someone who is unable to 'catch the ball', or have the ball fly past him without him knowing.
Please note that the piece of paper counts for nought here, because I personally do not believe that having a degree or masters means one is DEFINITELY smarter than a O/A level cert / diploma holder. I need someone with high EQ and IQ, not a knowledgeable wise old man who's always somehow portrayed in pictures or books sitting under a tree.

I'm not saying the above-mentioned is stupid. I don't know him and I've not interacted with him before, so I won't know. You should be smart enough to see that this 择偶条件 thing is a sidetracked topic ya?

2.)  He cannot have a bad command of English. No need to be great, or fantastic, or use bombastic words   ALL the time. I don't mean that. I don't like that either (either he's really too atas for my liking, or trying too hard). I just don't like decoding msgs. (like the above) Proper language use can already be interpreted in so many ways, that's why we have Literature. Don't add more possible interpretations with wrong usage of grammar or diction.


Everything else, I'm not really particular... Oh, wait! Erm...size matters...but I'm not really asking for HUUUUGE~~~ Comfort is key, ya? =P




Back to the guy mentioned above.


It's been 4 days since. He has stopped sending messages.



And I did not reply him.
Because I can make him think I am offended when he realizes he said my smile was sweaty.




Okay I'm becoming pa jiao (The whole world spells it as pak jiao, but I feel that pa should be without the k. Try saying the word. No k one lor...Whatever...I'm babbling because I'm sleepy...) because I just spent 4 hours on this entry, and it's now 6:30am...


Goodnight world~

8 comments:

  1. Haha.. Joke of the day! after a long day @ work...

    SWEATY SMILE WOR...

    *wink*

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  2. muahahahaha~~~

    I love Sweat smiles too~~ mauahahahahah!!!

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  3. "Why do not you send" is very VERY ATAS english ok. I need to learn that up haha..

    *Hokkien grammar police!* Coming from a hokkien, it's called pak jiao with a K actually, just that you try saying that together with the rest of a sentence and your tongue might get tied, that's why most people ignore the K. OK lesson over.

    oh hai, nice to meet ya

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  4. you could have just blocked him.

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  5. he must be a bangla. all or most types with that kind of english lol

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  6. yikes, stalker! better becareful sweety :-)

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  7. Silver...trust me..it's not easy to speak with broken english..hahah.."why u not listen to me..i go back learn english in turkey then i try again talk to u.."


    See? too difficult lah..

    ~Kipas Susah Mati from Malaysia~ Die Hard Fan laa.

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