Thanks to a message in my sidebar, I read a recent tweet Xiaxue addressed to me. (In case you're wondering, I'm not the kind who scrolls through the entire timeline to see what people tweet about.)
You know, I really really look up to her as a blogger, and I have followed her blog through the years. When people say Xiaxue is crap or whatever negative comments about her and her blogging, trust me, I have defended her. I think she's good at her work, she's sometimes funny, has real creativity and puts real effort into her ads, and I like that she has character.
Except...
Let's just say having character and being nonsensically fiesty are 2 different things.
Sure, she shoots off her mouth when she has an opinion. And in many ways, I guess that's good. Since that tweet was addressed to me directly without @mention (guess she didn't want to "help bring me traffic"), I'll take it. Better than people who talk about you behind your back right? But I would appreciate it if she could do so in a not-so-expletive way.
I have tried not to confront her directly about many things, not because I just want to talk or tweet or write about it behind her back, but because I just want to let it pass. I just talk to friends, or people who are close to me, about my personal opinions towards people. N not publicly talk bad about people. If there's nothing good to say, keep your fingers locked (in the blogging world).
The first time I met her in person was at a Nuffnanger's CNY house-gathering. And we were all seated in a circle playing cards. It was an awkward first meeting because I went "Hello Xiaxue!", and she was like "Eh hi." like we already knew each other and had an awkward history together or something. Maybe it was just me being sensitive, but that was an awkward introduction. No doubt there was a game of cards to keep things distracted, but it was...well...weird nevertheless. Perhaps it was just me, I don't know.
Maybe that was the beginning of a bad start. Plus at that time Qiuting was starting to be good friends with her (trust me I was really happy for her then, because I knew for a long time that XX was Qiu's idol, and for her to actually get to be friends with her? That was something, right?), and me and Qiuting were going through a not-so-great patch of misunderstandings. Maybe they talked about me as a topic between friends, or maybe not, but subsequent encounters with Qiu and XX have not been un-awkward.
I'll let those pass.
Anyway, sometime last year, during the Olay campaign? Now this is a fact so you can't say that I am spreading lies. Mint called me a few times to say that she was really uncomfortable being in the production. She told me many times that she'd feel like The Clique would make people feel ostracised because the other bloggers/people are "not in their league". I said she felt that way. Maybe it's not, but it was that kinda vibes that came through, not just to Mint, but according a few other "not-as-huge" bloggers as well.
I mean, hello? Everyone is in the same production and campaign. There were only 8 bloggers plus Wendy as the host. Some togetherness please? A genuine attempt to bond? No? Sure, some people may be "boring" to them (thanks ah -.-"), but I think not judging before you actually know someone is actually important.
So the ultimatum which got me a bit turned off (probably unnoticed by Wendy because she can sometimes be so insensitive and thick) was something like this (I wasn't there so I can't exactly remember the exact sequence of events):
Because Mint has been in the production industry (she has been an assistant producer/director before), she would actually take the initiative to help prepare the site for the shoot. Like she would help the rest arrange their clothes, help clean up, or arrange the chairs and stuff. That's like really nice right? Then there was like a leaf or something on the floor of the studio and she went to help remove it. Either Mint or someone went “职业病” , and then Wendy said something that totally threw some people off:
"哈？她的职业是什么？清洁工人啊？"
In a totally sarcastic manner. And her group laughed.
It may seem like nothing to you, or them, but bear in mind that The Clique already has a presence that is quite overpowering, thus making people feel smaller than them already. For someone who felt that way, being put down further by The Queen in the group is actually kinda...you know...like all forms of respect for that person has been torn off, bitten, and spat out. Okay maybe not that serious. But you know what I mean.
Wendy, this is addressed to you, because I know someone will tell you about it and you WILL come and read this:
Mint is someone who is generally nice and helpful and friendly and very accomodating, and I say it not just because I am her friend and godsis, but from the bottom of my heart. I mean, it's really fine if you're saying that to people in your group as a joke, but Mint hardly knows you.
And I hardly know you, so don't say that I am a Psycho Attention-seeking Cunt. *hurt*
I mean, well, all women (and perhaps men) have the potential to be psycho (that includes you), and who's calling who attention-seeking? I don't have pink hair. I am who I am, and I generally remain low-key when I head out, whether I get attention or not. I only do it on the times I need to, that's my job. And Cunt? If you mean woman, you have one too. I don't call you weird names, so please be nice.
I didn't really mean that you are arrogant, though sometimes you may make people feel that you are.I did say that I think you are very nice to your own friends. Guess what someone said, I think it's the same person who told you I've been speaking weird about you, that tall fair gay boy? Yah him - "no leh, last time she got one friend she fell out with, like ended up quite bad also. Like she will also make use of her friends one.". I did say this "可能我对她没有利用价值咯" as a response though. But it was really a passing remark. Which is true anyway right?
The pleasantries I extended to you on the times we have met are genuine. Although each time I do it I find it extremely, tediously hard to get through that wall you have erected around yourself and your friends. (A tinge of arrogance vibes there, even if you may not have meant it, & I apologise if I have mistaken you.)
Learn how to respect other people, even BORING ones, if you will. Sometimes people ARE genuine with you, it's whether you choose to open yourself up to see that.
I still like you and your blog, and this post was just meant to clear things up. I don't need to be hard up and try so hard to be your friend - if you are meant to be, you will be. But I won't close myself up to you should fate arrange for it one day.
P.S. I'm not an angel myself, and can be insensitive at times too. Unintentionally. And for those of you reading, if you are someone I have offended before, I apologize.
I don't want no hard feelings,
Excuse me, I think someone has twisted my words, for I remember exactly what I said to him before your outburst of tweets to me happened a few days later.
Plus, I find some people in your life boring too ( I don't want to mention names), so you can stop making it seem like you only makes friends with Interesting People.
Plus, I find some people in your life boring too ( I don't want to mention names), so you can stop making it seem like you only makes friends with Interesting People.
That aside.
You know, I really really look up to her as a blogger, and I have followed her blog through the years. When people say Xiaxue is crap or whatever negative comments about her and her blogging, trust me, I have defended her. I think she's good at her work, she's sometimes funny, has real creativity and puts real effort into her ads, and I like that she has character.
Except...
Let's just say having character and being nonsensically fiesty are 2 different things.
Sure, she shoots off her mouth when she has an opinion. And in many ways, I guess that's good. Since that tweet was addressed to me directly without @mention (guess she didn't want to "help bring me traffic"), I'll take it. Better than people who talk about you behind your back right? But I would appreciate it if she could do so in a not-so-expletive way.
I have tried not to confront her directly about many things, not because I just want to talk or tweet or write about it behind her back, but because I just want to let it pass. I just talk to friends, or people who are close to me, about my personal opinions towards people. N not publicly talk bad about people. If there's nothing good to say, keep your fingers locked (in the blogging world).
The first time I met her in person was at a Nuffnanger's CNY house-gathering. And we were all seated in a circle playing cards. It was an awkward first meeting because I went "Hello Xiaxue!", and she was like "Eh hi." like we already knew each other and had an awkward history together or something. Maybe it was just me being sensitive, but that was an awkward introduction. No doubt there was a game of cards to keep things distracted, but it was...well...weird nevertheless. Perhaps it was just me, I don't know.
Maybe that was the beginning of a bad start. Plus at that time Qiuting was starting to be good friends with her (trust me I was really happy for her then, because I knew for a long time that XX was Qiu's idol, and for her to actually get to be friends with her? That was something, right?), and me and Qiuting were going through a not-so-great patch of misunderstandings. Maybe they talked about me as a topic between friends, or maybe not, but subsequent encounters with Qiu and XX have not been un-awkward.
I'll let those pass.
Anyway, sometime last year, during the Olay campaign? Now this is a fact so you can't say that I am spreading lies. Mint called me a few times to say that she was really uncomfortable being in the production. She told me many times that she'd feel like The Clique would make people feel ostracised because the other bloggers/people are "not in their league". I said she felt that way. Maybe it's not, but it was that kinda vibes that came through, not just to Mint, but according a few other "not-as-huge" bloggers as well.
I mean, hello? Everyone is in the same production and campaign. There were only 8 bloggers plus Wendy as the host. Some togetherness please? A genuine attempt to bond? No? Sure, some people may be "boring" to them (thanks ah -.-"), but I think not judging before you actually know someone is actually important.
So the ultimatum which got me a bit turned off (probably unnoticed by Wendy because she can sometimes be so insensitive and thick) was something like this (I wasn't there so I can't exactly remember the exact sequence of events):
Because Mint has been in the production industry (she has been an assistant producer/director before), she would actually take the initiative to help prepare the site for the shoot. Like she would help the rest arrange their clothes, help clean up, or arrange the chairs and stuff. That's like really nice right? Then there was like a leaf or something on the floor of the studio and she went to help remove it. Either Mint or someone went “职业病” , and then Wendy said something that totally threw some people off:
"哈？她的职业是什么？清洁工人啊？"
In a totally sarcastic manner. And her group laughed.
It may seem like nothing to you, or them, but bear in mind that The Clique already has a presence that is quite overpowering, thus making people feel smaller than them already. For someone who felt that way, being put down further by The Queen in the group is actually kinda...you know...like all forms of respect for that person has been torn off, bitten, and spat out. Okay maybe not that serious. But you know what I mean.
Wendy, this is addressed to you, because I know someone will tell you about it and you WILL come and read this:
Mint is someone who is generally nice and helpful and friendly and very accomodating, and I say it not just because I am her friend and godsis, but from the bottom of my heart. I mean, it's really fine if you're saying that to people in your group as a joke, but Mint hardly knows you.
And I hardly know you, so don't say that I am a Psycho Attention-seeking Cunt. *hurt*
I mean, well, all women (and perhaps men) have the potential to be psycho (that includes you), and who's calling who attention-seeking? I don't have pink hair. I am who I am, and I generally remain low-key when I head out, whether I get attention or not. I only do it on the times I need to, that's my job. And Cunt? If you mean woman, you have one too. I don't call you weird names, so please be nice.
I didn't really mean that you are arrogant, though sometimes you may make people feel that you are.I did say that I think you are very nice to your own friends. Guess what someone said, I think it's the same person who told you I've been speaking weird about you, that tall fair gay boy? Yah him - "no leh, last time she got one friend she fell out with, like ended up quite bad also. Like she will also make use of her friends one.". I did say this "可能我对她没有利用价值咯" as a response though. But it was really a passing remark. Which is true anyway right?
The pleasantries I extended to you on the times we have met are genuine. Although each time I do it I find it extremely, tediously hard to get through that wall you have erected around yourself and your friends. (A tinge of arrogance vibes there, even if you may not have meant it, & I apologise if I have mistaken you.)
Learn how to respect other people, even BORING ones, if you will. Sometimes people ARE genuine with you, it's whether you choose to open yourself up to see that.
I still like you and your blog, and this post was just meant to clear things up. I don't need to be hard up and try so hard to be your friend - if you are meant to be, you will be. But I won't close myself up to you should fate arrange for it one day.
P.S. I'm not an angel myself, and can be insensitive at times too. Unintentionally. And for those of you reading, if you are someone I have offended before, I apologize.
I don't want no hard feelings,
